I sit here before you, well I sit here before the computer. the keyboard my instrument. I recently turned 19 years old. I am the youngest junior in college I know. I am older and I think it has opened my mind to my vulnerability. Im not going through a mid life crisis. I hope I live beyond 38 (joke) [pause for the sake of expected laughter that never comes]. As I stand, I am open to life. When I was 16 or 17 my dad sat down with me and shared with me Woody Allen's Match Point. One of many movies we watched together. I love movies.
"The man who said "I'd rather be lucky than good" saw deeply into life. People are afraid to face how great a part of life is dependent on luck. It's scary to think so much is out of one's control. There are moments in a match when the ball hits the top of the net, and for a split second, it can either go forward or fall back. With a little luck, it goes forward, and you win. Or maybe it doesn't, and you lose."
I am not afraid. Life has taken from me and life has given to me. I acknowledge deeply that I am fortunate and that I am unfortuneate but it does not consume me. I avidly play minesweeper. (irrelevant? we'll see) Whenever I am bored I play minesweeper on expert difficulty. My friends think Im crazy. I think it lets my brain turn on autopilot. It's mechanical. I dont have to think. I let the corpus colosum do its job. But on the expert difficulty, no matter what, one always comes to a point where there are no more moves. There are no more deductions. There are no more mechanical solutions. The only thing that is left is Luck. You have nothing less than testing your luck. I am hooked. Maybe subconsciously I am memorizing these situations for future reference and calculating the probablity. But essentially I feel that I am testing a supernatural force. Yes I am crazy. I have also developed an addiction to Texas Hold'em Poker. and I use the term addiction purely for effect. I am not dependent on it. I just severly enjoy it. But these manifestations of luck drive me nuts. I dont really gamble with my life. but I never gamble with the lives of others. [Ramblings from my head]
For my birthday I went to the velvet room of Flemming's Steakhouse and I tasted the finer things I played the charade. and I enjoyed it. I bought a vest from the GAP the other day. The 4th purchase I have made. Everyone thinks im crazy. I dont know what to say concerning this.
School is going well. I feel very good about it. I feel that I have the reigns in my hands. This 18 credit hour stuff isn't as bad as I thought it would be. I got an "A" on my speech the other day. I didn't tell the instructor about my NFL membership. Its a game and im playing it. Accounting is actually quite enjoyable. I am learning alot about business and how to conduct it. It isn't as difficult as I had imagined. Geography is actually teaching me how to forcast weather and I find it wonderfully fascinating. Microeconomics with Mr. Medhat Farooque is going well. Micro turned out to be easier than Macro. Statisitics is riveting. Im learning new levels of statistical inferences that are wonderful. Today we talked about using a statistical survey, standard deviation, and margin of error to most efficiently extrapolate an average of all people in a population. Sounds boring but I really like it. 18 credit hours consumes nearly none of my time. Its amazing. Last night I didn't have anything to do. So i developed my addiction to photoshop and made a lovely picture with my name. see below. Its kinda shitty but I like it.
I managed to crack the screen on my laptop. So I recommend getting the warranty with accidental damage plan. like I did. my new laptop is on its way! Also on an equally nerdy note, I managed to upgrade my computer. I am now operating on:
Intel Core Duo E6850 3.0ghz
300 gig western digital
600 watt coolermaster
EVGA 680i
EVGA Nvidia GTX 260
4 gigs of corsair
Crysis is a quasi-futuristic scifi game with dynamic lighting, depth of field, explosions, awesome physics. I highly recomend it. It is very pleasing to the eyes. Because every guy needs to be stimulated by explosions and flying bullets.
Victor, my father's life long friend is in hospice. I went and visited him last week. I am fortunate for having the most wonderful friends and family around me. I know that, and I dont take a single moment with any of them for granted.
So my brother Mike is now in Portland. My brother John is in Portland, and my sister Frances is in Utah. I miss them very much. But I guess this is an opportunity for me to grow. We shall see.
Exciting things on the horizon. VERY FUCKING exciting. [my EXACT sentiment] Also, I want a Kawasaki Ninja. To blowu...... I mean to save gas. so suck on that till next time.
Much Love,
Tony Tran
That is a formerly 16 ounce steak. 16 ounces of New York Strip. I am a carnivore at the core, physically, emotionally, and mentally. Locked in a cage in all of us is a feral being. I am friends with mine.
That is Creme Brulee. My favorite. and yes I shaved my head. No fear. Two weeks later I have more hair than i know what to do with.
Just something that is running through my head recently. ANTITHESIS. If there wasn't for bad there wouldn't be good. If it wasn't for pain there wouldnt be joy. Sadist? no. Yeah I wear a v neck now and again but I just cant do the deep V.
Im 19 on the 19th of septmember (9th month) the planets are nearly in a line
Awwww yeah 10 points for Photoshop
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